BRIAN FEJER for ABQ MAYOR 2025

THIS IS SATIRE

Photograph by Max Woltman

Albuquerque’s general election for mayor is coming in November 2025

A “Declaration of Principles”

1. On the first hour of my first day in office - I would declare a public mental health emergency focusing on the Fentynal crisis. I would call on the New Mexico Governor to activate the New Mexico National Guard to help clear the sidewalks/streets block by block and district by district throughout #OneAlbuquerque. Once we re-establish operational control - APD and ACS will proactively maintain health and safety, for every Burqueno.

   

2. During the 2020 pandemic, China could build a 1,000-bed hospital in 10 days!- I see no reason why we can’t build some posh facilities to triage and assist the unhoused, the mentally ill, and the addicted and get them the help they need. Everyone is always whining about these facilities in their neighborhood. To get around this, we would locate nine facilities in all nine Albuquerque districts to offer access to sanitation facilities, hot showers, computers, mail, lockers, and storage

   

3. One morning or afternoon - once a week, I'd visit a local coffee shop in one of Albuquerque’s nine districts to meet with constituents and critics about current events and local issues. I would also try to use these visits to read and listen - and then compose and respond to letters and emails from citizens

   

4. On this same note, I’d reach out to local journalists and keep them in the loop with long-form interviews, going on podcasts. Local journalism is too myopic, and politicians need to stop being afraid of their constituents, and educate them instead! I would appoint local legend Don Schrader as my Press Secretary.

   

5. I would not run as a Republican/Democrat but as an Independent

   

6. I would only serve one term! These swampy politicians for life like President-Elect Donald Trump and ABQ Mayor Tim Keller both want to serve a third term. Go fishing, volunteer, pickleball!

   

7. I would emulate former Mayor Marty and bring back the paying money for picking up trash and pulling up weeds program, especially GOATheads! Dog owners in Albuquerque will understand this! I would also emulate former Mayor Berry’s ‘A Better Way’! The city is littered with garbage, weeds, and graffiti - it’s like living in 70’s New York City or 80’s Baltimore! #Gritty

   

8. There are too many cars in Albuquerque - gridlock is not cool! I’d take the New Mexico Rail Runner up to Santa Fe and personally lobby every single NM Senator and Representative to have them dip into the rainy-day oil and gas funds that total in the billions - to break ground on the Albuquerque Subway map. I’d also move the City of Albuquerque back to charging a fare for bus and train rides - with a free pass for seniors.

   

9. Too many politicians bristle at public criticism. As an artist and a writer, I’ve always thrived off the critiques of my peers and colleagues, and believe I’d thrive in the political arena.

   

10. We all love this city - why not make it shine like a diamond?

    If you have any ideas to help Albuquerque, leave a comment below